“It’s only words, and words are all I have
to take our peace away”
This modified version of Boyzone’s famous
number, to me, captures the quintessential cause of most conflict.
Often, it’s words - incisive, brutal and
scathing – that germinate hurt, discord and discontent.
It’s only after war has been fought in
words that battle lines are drawn on the ground. Aided by context and people,
words alone push individuals to the point of no return. Often relationships, laden with years of
effort, purpose and meaning, are diluted by a single moment of verbal failure.
Do parties then attempt reconciliation? Yes
they do. Karpman’s Persecutor embraces the role of a Victim – apologetic and
desperate – to mend the earlier errors. But, the ‘erstwhile Victim’, now the
Persecutor, is, perhaps, too hurt to forgive. The Rescuer, meanwhile, is seen
as an ally of the Victim and the Persecutor has little choice but to be
indifferent to both.
Is indifference then the end of conflict?
Or is it the beginning of the end of the relationship? While there isn’t enough
theory to substantiate either point of view, I suspect a state of indifference marks
a critical threshold – either it gives space for an unprecedented resurgence to
the bond or, as several cases would suggest, it marks the first stanza in the dirge that echoes the obituary for the relationship.
And sometimes still, indifference is not a mediating
step – rather it is an end in itself. My guess is that conflict gets most excruciating
when the state of indifference attains a degree of permanence.
So, the next time you wonder why your best
comrades and friends have drifted away from you, revisit the past and look for that 'one word' that made all the difference.
A colleague of mine gave me the link of your blog about a year ago but I read it for the first time this week. Some of your blog posts are an inspiration but some of them are downright depressing. There is only so much disappointment you can take in your life and I have an inkling that maybe over the years enough people have fallen far below your expectations and you've become distrusting of the human race.you critically overanalyze people's actions. I may be wrong but thats how this story comes across as.
ReplyDeleteI think If words come between friends then it wasnt a very strong friendship to begin with.then apologies hold no meaning. they are but a formality. but what if either party forgot to look at the meaning behind those words? then can caution can be misconstrued as indifference in this ego clash? is it possible that the friendship could have been resurrected and that the "obituary" was unnecessary? I dont quite understand Karpman's tale of persecution happening here but "what if"????what if as you said the victim was too hurt to think straight? dont you have fights with your family? do you not forgive them? if words should be taken at face value every single time, I probably made a huge mistake marrying my husband. the key to a peaceful life is forgiving. believe in second chances. what if one day you need one instead?
Good luck figuring out your life abhigyaan. there are worse things than cruel words and its your friends and family that will count when these worse things happen. so dont take them lightly.