“She
is gone. But, I am glad. Her struggle has ended..“
This piece could well qualify as a mistimed
discourse, especially at a time when there’s enough on my plate to keep me
engaged. But, a compulsive thought lingers on in my mind and I’d feel
suffocated, almost choked, if I didn’t ventilate it out.
I have earned the distinction of being deep
as a thinker and subtle as a writer. Unfortunately, both the attributes evade
me as I give words to my thoughts. Is there a more subtle way to state somebody’s
passing away or is there a deeper, more mature, way to look at death and beyond?
This piece is about a close friend,
arguably the best ever I’ve had. It’s as much about the biggest loss she has
suffered till date as it is about my inability to be around her in this moment
of grief.
She has been a fighter, one of the best I’ve
known, and she will come out of this trough. That’s my thought, my belief and my
confidence. But, do thoughts alone count? Panning the last 4 years, I can’t
recall any single episode when I was up against a challenge and she wasn’t
around. In thoughts, in words and in actions, she was always there in every which
way possible.
It’s this inequity of friendship that
churns me from within. I have never wanted to be on the ‘more benefitted’ side
of the Friendship Equilibrium. But, this is one of those emotional scales where
she has outweighed me at every step.
As my life gets mired up in the rigour of corporate
life, I ask myself how many more people will have to make do with my thoughts alone
in their moments of grief. As I pray for the departed soul, I am honest in my
thought; as I condole my friend, I am still honest in my thought, but the big
question still stares me in the face -- do thoughts really count?
